Episode 4 of “Fill, Heal and Restore” is ready and it features a young woman and friend I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for years. To see her evolution and elevation has been such a beautiful sight.
Her testimony is one guaranteed to touch your heart and bring tears to your eyes, but it’s also a great reminder that God will give us beauty for ashes. He’s indeed faithful even through weeping and mourning. We can rest in the prince of peace.
Here’s Episode 4- Beauty for Ashes with Brittany A. Watkins
Episode 3 – Follow the keys with keishana miller!!
If there’s one person that I’ve leaned heavily on through my most difficult years it’s been this amazing woman right here that I’m blessed and honored to call my friend and sister. Her road has been beyond tumultuous, but she picks herself up and perseveres with the grace, faith and determination that is rare and beautiful. Here’s episode 3 “follow the keys” to getting through life with this pretty and petite actress, model, writer, producer and prophet Keishana Miller.
I remember the first day I met her. I had been booked by a makeup artist that I adore Traci Dani for a photo shoot and I was pumped. As the rest of the models and I are being prepared with the day’s agenda as well as getting our individual makeup looks completed for the shoot, a beautiful, slender, no nonsense young woman entered the studio, introduced herself as the photographer and begin to set up her camera, lights and equipment all by herself.
I was truly impressed because I love to see women handling their business especially in industries that seem to be male dominated. However realizing she’s about her business made me even more nervous, but the moment I stepped in front of her camera she flashed a smile and gave me a few kind words to put ease. She was not only super sweet, professional and amazing at her craft, but someone that I knew I wanted to stay connected to.
As you listen to her story, you’ll see why she draws you in. There’s an intriguing energy that surrounds her and an undeniable strength to be admired. Here’s Episode 2 of “Fill Heal and Restore” with the beauty behind the camera Janelle Jaqueline.. Enjoy
Cracked Christians Need love to… Part 1
“sometimes when you’re trying to mend the broken you might get cut.”
Have you ever dropped a glass or shattered a mirror accidentally and while in the process of putting the broken pieces together you cut yourself. Have you ever unintentionally broken your family China or favorite vase and while trying to delicately piece together the thing you love so dearly, it slices you and it hurts you.
That’s sometimes the results of dealing with a cracked christian. I’m admittedly flawed and working my way through various stages of toiling and depression. While overall I don’t mean any harm to anyone I can sometimes unintentionally hurt those who may be trying to help me.
Some parts of me may look like a Rose blooming, but the thorns below can puncture your heart in ways that I don’t necessarily mean.
I’ve witnessed on this journey that many believers become fearful to admit these moments of confusion or chaos because sometimes our brothers, sisters and leaders in Christ can be somewhat judgmental and condemn you for your struggles. Abandon you in your pit. Walk away when you’re at your weakest. Which can cause you to misdirect anger and lash out on those who actually do love and care for you.
Cracked Christians need a great deal of concern, compassion and care. Often times the fear of the rejection and judgement will make the cracked stay in solitude. Feeling undeserving of the Love of God and God’s healing.
My purpose for this post today is to help cracked Christians manage their emotions so that they’ll be more mindful of others feelings, not ruin friendships, relationships and business opportunities. Also to show others dealing with cracked Christians how to effectively understand, love and support them .. stay tuned for Part 2
From my heart to yours ❤️
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,”
1 Peter 5:6 ESV
A major part of the Fill, Heal and Restore initiative was not only to create a platform using my struggles and lessons to encourage others to hope in God and grow with me, but to create an outlet for other young believers from all walks of life to come and share their own stories of how they’ve withstood the most difficult tests and willing to share their testimonies.
I truly believe that God won’t waste any pain or experience in our process. Finally, here is season on Episode 1 of Fill, Heal and Restore: Journey of Jenny!!
From my heart to yours,
The Stench: Rest In God
The Stench: Rest In God
If there’s one thing I’m certain of it’s I don’t want to live in a basement ever again. There’s barely any sunshine or light that enters the space. It’s always cold and creepy. Worst of all you have to deal with creepy crawlers and occasional rodents.
Lately there have been mice in my living space. The building next to mine has been abandoned for quite some time. I believe many come from there, but I digress.
On top of just trying to rebuild my life, faith, finances and so on keeping my peace, hope and joy has been a challenge. Just when I thought things were going upward, I was hit back to the very bottom of the valley.
The web series had been put on hold at the very end of production due to some financial challenges. My phone was off. I’d auditioned for a major station here as a host and was called back twice and then never called again. It felt like life was taunting me with little glimpses of hope and then take them all away. I found myself once again drowning deeply in depression.
One day upon returning home from a regular day of work, I walked in to smell the most awful order I’ve ever experienced. Found the spot it was coming from just inches away from the space where I sleep. It was mouse pee.
A Mice peed on carpet right next to where I slept. No matter what I tried to put on it. I used every kind of floor cleaner, bathroom cleaner, Bleach, carpet cleaner, toilet cleaner and nothing worked. For days I did this until finally it subsided a bit. Only for the little bastard to come back and do it again.
For me I take everything as a sign. This mouse peeing next to where I slept felt symbolic as to how I felt like someone had pissed on my life and no matter what I tried or how hard I tried to get out of this space in my life the stench still remained. Reeked?! No matter how many times I hoped again, tried again, prayed again, revamped the plan again, auditioned again, cried again, again and again.. nothing seemed to be working and the stench Of regret, failure, defeat, insecurity, brokenness, hurt, disappointment, frustration, poverty, hopeless dreams, unbelief, abandonment and loneliness all still remained and at an all time high.
I kept being told that God says to get some rest. I think for spiritual veterans that instruction seems self explanatory. To me however I was still lost. How exactly do I find rest in my God who has seemingly abandoned me. How can I reach him to find out exactly how I should go about this when it’s almost as if he has a new phone number and my phone is off. So what do I do exactly to find this rest when my mind is in distress, heart it broken, spirit in turmoil and faith has been dipped in frustration?!
I did the first thing many of us do when trying to find answers… I went to Google.. somebody has to help me.. and here’s what I found helpful to assist me on learning to rest in God. I hope it helps you too.
So as I continue to put forth my best effort to remove the stench and remnants of all life has thrown at me. I’ll learn to rest in God. I hope this helps you as well!
The Web Series is on the way…
Little testimonial: the desire to create this series has been in my heart for about over a year now and each phase to getting it completed was definitely a roller coaster… There were highs and excitement and there were some discouraging lows. I remember on the second day of filming, I already knew I had enough money to only get to the location and not enough to get home. The location was approximately 9 miles from my home. I didn’t know how I was going to get back other than to walk home. I showed up, we got everything recorded, hugged and greeted everyone that took time to come out and now it’s time to pack up. As I’m still smiling and laughing on the inside I was still a bit down wondering why.. why is this happening to me when I’m just following what I believe has been placed on my heart by God. I started my walk home and a few blocks in I take out my cell phone .. I’d missed a call… the number I didn’t recognize immediately.. I called it back and it was my brother Maurice calling from a new number.. I immediately asked if he’d come get me and in true big brother fashion he was on his way to save me.. even though he didn’t know that that day I was struggling majorly, but the good Lord sent him to my rescue. My point in this story is while we may be on the right path it doesn’t exempt us from rough moments in which we can’t even see how it’s going to work out and just as we’re about to walk the longest road alone.. Here comes God being the MVP and saving day as only he could. Do your part and he’ll do is. Keep in the faith family!! Your answer is on the way!!! #FillHealRestore #Webseries #ComingSoon
I haven’t always been the most grateful. In fact I’ve spent many days throwing temper tantrums your way and being downright rotten.
When I sit and reflect I can admit my life hasn’t always been easy and my decisions have always been great.
Some of the things I blamed you for were a result of choices that I made and even when I could have been left to sit and suffer in misery. You corrected and allowed any seemingly mistake to work out for my good.
This past year or so has been the most scary and trying in terms of faith, finances, family and health, but you’ve continued to be ever so faithful and bring me through each battle stronger than before.
The enemy has tried its best to take over my mind trying to convince me that I’d been forgotten about through the trials and storms.
But I reminded that it was the complete opposite. You favor me. You loved me so that like Job the enemy wanted to fill me with confusion and chaos. How ever nothing can separate me from your love and I’m honored to be your child. A chosen daughter, called for mighty works in such a time as this.
You’ve taken me from feeling like the lesser to the larger. Brought calmness in confusion. You healed my hurt and mended the broken pieces together to create something so beautiful that no artist could ever replicate.
Similarly to a birth, labor pains are a part of the process. Through this pain you’re forcing me out of the things that once held/hid me to being birthed into the woman you’ve created me to be bringing out the great things you’ve placed in me.
When I was losing my passion in the process you were really restoring my purpose
Breaking me down to build me up. Discovering strength, talents, creating for the kingdom and discovering abilities I never knew I had.
You ripped me of my comfort to cure me of all of the things that was killing my quality of life.
What was once my ceiling and limiting me, you made it my floor. A firm foundation to stand on as I rise. Pushing me to a new dimension in you. Rising to another level.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for keeping me. Thank you for never leaving me. Thanking for seeing more in me than I saw in myself. I’m forever grateful.
I don’t know about y’all, but sometimes Life feels like a constant fight. Fighting for your peace. Your happiness. Fighting for your family or for love. Fighting to get to your purpose. Sometimes that continuous battles will allow discouragement and depression to slip in. You know in your heart that you were created for greatness. YOU WERE!
So why so many battles to your destiny when the word of God promises so much more?!
In my sleep I was reminded of David. While he was born for greatness every stage of his life was a fight to get to the next level of his destiny.
When he was a shepherd boy fighting lions and bears, he was destined to be king. When he had to fight the giant, he was destined to be king. When he was a warrior slaying tens of thousands. He was destined to be king. When he had to keep evading Saul to because Saul wanted to kill him due to envy. He was still destined to be king.
The fight does not cancel out your purpose. The struggle does not mean you aren’t still fearfully and wonderfully made with purpose. It just means like David you will have to push through the pain to get to your purpose. Find your inner warrior and press into the strength of God. Nothing about your story or process will be wasted. It’s not pointless, it is purposeful. Stay in encouraged and stay ready to battle and most importantly get ready for the victory.
When God is for you, who can stand against you.
From my heart to yours,
Here is the first letter from the “Letters of A Broken Heart” series
If you missed the introduction post click here http://fillhealrestore.com/letters-from-a-broken-heart-intro/
I wish I hadn’t waited 34 years to realize how special you are. I wish I hadn’t been so hard on you and those tough moments forced you to live life being oblivious to your own beauty, gifts, talents and heart.
I wish I hadn’t compared you to others so often making you feel inadequate. I wish I could take back moments of minimizing your abilities because they didn’t seem as great as someone else.
Instead of building your confidence I was slowly breaking you down. Forcing you to hide pain with pleasantries. Disguised your tears with the biggest smile.
Instead of being your biggest fan, I became your number 1 enemy allowing you to self-destruct and almost kill everything that makes you uniquely who you are and your courage to try.
There’s no need to compare any aspect of yourself and your life to anyone else. You were custom made by God. He doesn’t make mistakes. He was intentional with the every part of how he stitched you together.
Your heart, your soul, your spirit, your gifts, talent and personality are the very things that are needed for your purpose and to the people and places God will send you.
Fearfully and wonderfully made you are. I apologize for any damage I may have caused. If you believed me then, believe me now.. You are beautiful. You are a great person. You are valuable and your contributions are needed. Don’t cheat the world of it.
◄ John 15:16 ►
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit–fruit that will last–and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
For so long I beat myself feeling like a failure. Felt like a true waste of potential. I knew that I had creative ideas and developed heartfelt initiatives to help my community, but unfortunately I’d get so distracted by thoughts of inferiority, fear of failure and not feeling good enough to go out and pursue my passions and dreams.
Next thing I know I’d let do much time go by and there’s nothing worse than regret. Regretting risks you didn’t take. Regretting mistakes that you made. Regretting not pursuing degrees and having the high paying jobs .. etc
However it’s time to let go of all of the negative thoughts about myself and regrets. I can’t change the past, but I can focus on creating a happier, healthier future.
I truly believe nothing that I’ve gone through or felt will be wasted. God has a plan. It will be used for good and as I share my growing pains in life and in God you all will grow with me.
From my heart to yours,