The Stench: Rest In God
The Stench: Rest In God
If there’s one thing I’m certain of it’s I don’t want to live in a basement ever again. There’s barely any sunshine or light that enters the space. It’s always cold and creepy. Worst of all you have to deal with creepy crawlers and occasional rodents.
Lately there have been mice in my living space. The building next to mine has been abandoned for quite some time. I believe many come from there, but I digress.
On top of just trying to rebuild my life, faith, finances and so on keeping my peace, hope and joy has been a challenge. Just when I thought things were going upward, I was hit back to the very bottom of the valley.
The web series had been put on hold at the very end of production due to some financial challenges. My phone was off. I’d auditioned for a major station here as a host and was called back twice and then never called again. It felt like life was taunting me with little glimpses of hope and then take them all away. I found myself once again drowning deeply in depression.
One day upon returning home from a regular day of work, I walked in to smell the most awful order I’ve ever experienced. Found the spot it was coming from just inches away from the space where I sleep. It was mouse pee.
A Mice peed on carpet right next to where I slept. No matter what I tried to put on it. I used every kind of floor cleaner, bathroom cleaner, Bleach, carpet cleaner, toilet cleaner and nothing worked. For days I did this until finally it subsided a bit. Only for the little bastard to come back and do it again.
For me I take everything as a sign. This mouse peeing next to where I slept felt symbolic as to how I felt like someone had pissed on my life and no matter what I tried or how hard I tried to get out of this space in my life the stench still remained. Reeked?! No matter how many times I hoped again, tried again, prayed again, revamped the plan again, auditioned again, cried again, again and again.. nothing seemed to be working and the stench Of regret, failure, defeat, insecurity, brokenness, hurt, disappointment, frustration, poverty, hopeless dreams, unbelief, abandonment and loneliness all still remained and at an all time high.
I kept being told that God says to get some rest. I think for spiritual veterans that instruction seems self explanatory. To me however I was still lost. How exactly do I find rest in my God who has seemingly abandoned me. How can I reach him to find out exactly how I should go about this when it’s almost as if he has a new phone number and my phone is off. So what do I do exactly to find this rest when my mind is in distress, heart it broken, spirit in turmoil and faith has been dipped in frustration?!
I did the first thing many of us do when trying to find answers… I went to Google.. somebody has to help me.. and here’s what I found helpful to assist me on learning to rest in God. I hope it helps you too.
So as I continue to put forth my best effort to remove the stench and remnants of all life has thrown at me. I’ll learn to rest in God. I hope this helps you as well!